


Learning How To Die

by DefaltManifesto



Category: Pacific Rim (2013)
Genre: Angst, Canonical Character Death, Gen, Grief/Mourning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-30
Updated: 2013-07-30
Packaged: 2017-12-21 20:18:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 717
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/904462
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DefaltManifesto/pseuds/DefaltManifesto
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"I raised my boy to live in a machine and that's where he died."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Learning How To Die

**Author's Note:**

> I realized Chuck was 21 when he died and had to write this so yeah here ya go.

The only thing worse than losing your childhood was watching your own child lose theirs. At least, that's what Herc Hansen thought, and no one was ever going to convince him otherwise.

The day he lost Angela, the day Scissure attacked Sydney, it was the day he watched his son go from a child to a man and it made his heart ache every time he remembered the way Chuck had wiped away his tears to show nothing but a stone wall of locked down emotions in his eyes.

Chuck was his father's son after all, but Herc wished he wasn't.

He was proud of Chuck, no matter what other people saw when they argued and almost came to blows in the mess hall. Others questioned their ability to fight in a Jaeger, but each time it came for them to defend the world from another Kaiju, they preformed without fail.

Chuck had been one of the best pilots in the program after all. He joined at a younger age than some of the others, his sheer will and determination allowing him to outperform anyone who tried to best him. Herc, in hindsight, wondered if he was the one that had pushed such a go big or stop trying mentality on the kid. He knew there was no point in speculating or wondering if he could've done something different, not now, not anymore. He couldn't change what happened.

But he mourned not just for Chuck but also for how after everything, Chuck's life added up only to one sacrifice. Sure that sacrifice saved the world, but the rest of the world wouldn't realize just how much Chuck had sacrificed; a childhood, happiness, the ability to ever feel like he was good enough.

Herc wished that in his final moments, Chuck knew he was more than good enough.

He could only hope that after so long piloting together, Chuck knew how much Herc loved his son, how proud he was. It made him sick to his stomach to know they could be in one another's heads so often but still be unable to effectively communicate how much they mattered to one another.

The thoughts plagued him at night, kept him up, restless and tossing in his sheets as the rest of the world spun on and tried to figure out what to do next.

He gave speeches and answered press questions, and carefully navigated around anything even skirting the topic of his son. How could he say anything? What was there to say?

_"I raised my boy to live in a machine and that's where he died."_

He wanted to be angry at how Chuck had his whole life ahead of him, and it had all been sacrificed because of some stupid monsters.

But that would cheapen everything Chuck had done, and Herc knew it. In time, he started to let go of the anger he held for himself and his inability to give Chuck the life Herc had always dreamed of for him. It would be stupid to try and convince himself that Chuck was happy walking into his death, but he had been inside his son's head enough to know that Chuck had never planned for the long term.

He knew that Chuck never saw either of them getting out of the war alive.

But now Herc was alive and his son was gone and he didn't know how to keep going. Well he did, because every Jaeger pilot knew how to. They saw more loss than most people thought they did, and he knew how to move on and respect the memory of those he lost. But just because he knew didn't make it any easier.

Why try and sugarcoat it? His chest felt hollow like someone had punched a hole through it every time he so much as thought of Chuck. But that was okay. The pain was okay because it meant he was alive and meant he had more to live for than ever before. Chuck wasn't around any longer to live a long and vibrant life full of experiences he had dreamed about as a child.

So Herc would have to live it all out for him. And there was nothing wrong with taking his time to mourning and doing just that. 


End file.
